We can all point to that one person or that one time when someone did something to us that we cannot forgive. In this instance, it is generally an isolated instance that we are able to move on from.
But, what about that one person that has systematically caused us pain over and over and over again. We may still have that person in our lives – or we have moved on from that person and cut them from our lives – but they still exist in our heads and in our emotions and in our behaviours. We can’t let them go and we cannot forget what they did to us. We cannot forgive them because that would mean that we condone what they did…or does it?
The answer to this question is NO. You can read more about what forgiveness isn’t in my blog The Ins and Outs of Forgiveness. In that article, I also touched on how forgiving can empower you. On the flip side of that, not forgiving someone can take away the power from you and give it to the other person. Consider the following:
- Do you blame them for what they did to you? If so, you are giving them power to keep you stuck in the past so that you cannot move on with your future
- Do you blame them for the way that you feel? If so, you are giving them power over your present emotional well-being rather than taking charge of your own emotions
- Do you blame them for your present day suffering? If so, you are you are expending too much energy thinking about this person rather than focussing on yourself and the ones that love and support you
From the above examples, you can see how not forgiving someone only holds you back and affects you in a negative way. But more importantly, you can see from the above examples how not forgiving someone gives them power over you – even if you have moved on from them long ago.
So…how do you take your power back? How do you forgive someone who has hurt you so badly?
First, and foremost, you must make the conscious choice that you want to forgive the person who hurt you. You want to forgive to find peace within you and move on with your life. You want to forgive because you want to take your power back. You want to forgive because you are simply sick and tired of living in the past.
Then, you must find what you need to do to forgive and put it behind you. But…be sure that you are actually forgiving and actually letting it all go. By that I mean that you are not just paying lip service to forgiving – but that you are releasing the hurt and the person from your body, being, essence and soul. I have had to go through this – and I am still having to go through this. But, I am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel as I get nearer to the end of my past and the beginning of my future.
And lastly, pay the person who hurt you gratitude. For without them and what they did to you, you wouldn’t be the person that you are today or the person that you will be tomorrow when you have processed it all and put it all behind you. Pay them gratitude for what they have taught you. For me, the people who have hurt me have taught me to be tough and independent. But mostly, they have forced me on my journey to become the person that I am today so that I can help other people going through their own journeys. Without their actions, I would never have discovered the power of energy healing. But more importantly, without their actions against me, I would never have been facing down the barrel of happiness. And for that, I am grateful <3